My Monty Python fic 1

Prfctcellrulz's Monty Python and the Holy Grail Fanfic
Opening Credits/Chapter 1


PRFCTCELLRULZ PICTURES LTD

                             in association with

                                MICHAEL BAY

                                  presents



--------------------------------------------------------------------------


                              TRANSFORMERS XKS:

                                 TEAM XKS

                                     and

                                THE OMEGA LOCK



                      TeEam ExKs ik den OMegi Loock



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                           Written and performed by:

                             MATRIX PRIME

                             KP PRIME

                             SHEGO PRIME

                             MATRIX PRIMA

                             JULAYLA PRIME

                             KAIBA PRIME



                           R0tern nik Akten Di



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                                  with

                             DARK GAMBIT PRIME

                             ISABEL PRIME

                             YUGI MOTO

                             JADEN PRIME

                           KEITH A. WILLIS

                           KEITHATRON-77

                             YUSEI FUDO

                             JACK ATLAS

                             AKIZA IZINSKI

                          GALVATRON MAXIMUS MILLENNIA

                             NEMESIS X



                                  Wik



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                             Also appearing

                             STARSCREAM AVIAIRIUS MILLENNIA

                             GENERAL BARRY MEGACADE


                                Als0 wik



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                           Also also appearing

                 OPTIMUS PRIME          ULTRA MAGNUS

       MARISSA FAIREBORN     JETFIRE

                 IRONHIDE            ELITA-1 PRIME

               RODIMUS PRIME          OMEGA SUPREME

             BLITZWING             TERRA

                 FLAME          JENNY

                 RATCHET          RED ALERT

                 BULKHEAD           LOCKDOWN

                 ARCEE          DEVASTATOR

                    PROWL          SARI SUMDAC

                 GOLDBUG         SOUNDWAVE

                              THE FALLEN



                            Als0 als0 wik



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                Camera Operator       HOWARD ATHERTON

                   Camera Focus       JOHN WELLARD

               Camera Assistant       ROGER PRATT

                    Camera Grip       RAY HALL

         Chargehand Electrician       TERRY HUNT

                       Lighting       TELEFILM LIGHTING SERVICE LTD

                                      ANDREW RICHIE AND SON LTD

                                      TECHNICOLOR

              Rosturm Cameraman       KENT HOUSTON



               Wi n0t trei a h0liday in Sweden this yer?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                Sound Recordist       GARTH MARSHALL

                    Sound Mixer       HUGH STRAIN

                   Boom Swinger       GODFREY KIRBY

              Sound Maintenance       PHILIP CHUBB

                Sound Assistant       ROBERT DOYLE

                 Dubbing Editor       JOHN FOSTER

              Assistant Editors       JOHN MISTER, NICK GASTER,

                                      ALEXANDER CAMPBELL ASKEW,

                                      BRIAN PEACHEY, DANIELLE KOCHAVI

                  Sound Effects       IAN CRAFFORD



                          See the l0veli lakes



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                     Continuity       PENNY EYLES

                     Accountant       BRIAN BROCKWELL

           Production Secretary       CHRISTINE WATT

                 Property Buyer       BRIAN WINTERBORN

                Property Master       TOM RAEBURN

                   Property Men       ROY CANNON, CHARLIE TORBETT,

                                      MIKE KENNEDY

                       Catering       RON HELLARD LTD

                       Vehicles       BUDGET RENT-A-CAR



                    The W0nderful teleph0ne system



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



         Assistant Art Director       PHILIP COWLAM

           Construction Manager       BILL HARMAN

                     Carpenters       NOBBY CLARK, BOB DEVINE

                        Painter       GRAHAM BULLOCK

                     Stagehand        JIM N. SAVERY

                        Rigger        ED SULLIVAN



                  And mani interesting furry animals



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                       With special extra thanks to

           Charlie Knode, Brian McNully, John Gledhill, Peter

           Thompson, Sue Cable, Valerie Charlton, Drew Mara,

           Sue Smith, Charlie Coulter, Iain Monaghan, Steve

           Bennell, Bernard Belenger, Alpini McAlpine, Hugh

           Boyle, Dave Taylor, Garry Cooper, Peter Saunders, Less

           Sheppard, Vaughn Millard, Mamish MacInnes, Terry Mosaic,

           Bawn O'Beirne Ranelagh.



           Made entirely on location on Planet Cybertron.



           By Prfctcellrulz Pictures Ltd., a division of XKSKaibaCorporation Enterprises, Incorporated, New XKSKaibaCorp City, USA.

            And completed at 20th Century Fox Film Studios, Hollywood, USA.



           Copyright (c) 2009 National Film Trustee Company Lt.

                            All Rights Reserved.



     The producers would like to thank the Forestry Commission

     Doune Admissions Ltd, Keir and Cawdor Estates, Stirling

     University, and the people of Doune for their help in the

     making of this film.



     The Characters and incidents portrayed and the names used

     are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters,

     or history of any person is entirely accidental and

                            unintentional.



                                  Signed RICHARD M. NIXON (Vote Nixon in 2012!)



                    Including the majestic m00se



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                              Songs

                           KEITHATRON-77



                        Additional music

                            JOHN WILLIAMS



                 A M00se once bit my sister ...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                        Costume Designer

                          HAZEL PETHIG



      No realli!  She was Karving her initals on the m00se

      with the sharpened end of an interspace t00thbrush given

      by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and

      star of many Norwegian m0vies: "The H0t Hands of an Oslo

      Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge M0lars of Horst

                               Nordfink".



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                  We apologise for the fault in the

                subtitles. Those responsible have been

                              sacked.



              Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti ...



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



              We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles.  Those

              responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked

                          have been sacked.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



            Production Manager        JULLIAN DOYLE

            Assistant Director        GERRY HARRISON

               Special Effects        JOHN HORTON

                  Choreography

              Fight Director &

             Period Consultant        JOHN WALKER

               Make-up Artists        PEARL RASHBASS, PAM LUKE

                   Photography        JULLIAN DOYLE

          Animation Assistance        LUCINDA COWELL, KATE HEPBURN

              M00se Trained by        YUTTE HERMSGERV0RDENBR0TB0RDA



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



              Lighting Cameraman      TERRY BEDFORD

          Special M00se Effects       OLAF PROT

                 M00se Costumes       SIGGI CHURCHILL



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                       Designer       ROY SMITH

         M00se Choreographed by       HORST PROT III

        Miss Taylor's M00ses by       HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME

           M00se trained to mix

              concrete and sign

          complicated insurance

                       forms by       JURGEN WIGG



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                         Editor       JOHN HACKNEY

         M00ses' noses wiped by       BJORN IRKESTORM-SLATER WALKER



        Large m00se on the left

        half side of the screen

        in the third scene from

       the end,given a thorough

            grounding in Latin,

          French and "O" Level

                  Geography by       BO BENN



       Suggestive poses for the

             M00se suggested by      VIC ROTTER

                 Antler-care by      LIV THATCHER



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



             The directors of the firm hired to

             continue the credits after the other

             people had been sacked, with it to

             be known that they have just been

             sacked.



             The credits have been completed

             in an entirely different style at

             great expense and at the last

             minute.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------



         FIESTA MUSIC

         TITLE ON FLASHING YELLOW B.G



                            Executive Producer

               JOHN GOLDSTONE & "RALPH" The Wonder Llama



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                                Producer

                             MARK FORSTATER



                               Assisted by

                              EARL J. LLAMA

                           MIKE Q. LLAMA III

                                SY LLAMA

                            MERLE Z. LLAMA IX



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



                              Directed by

                          40 SPECIALLY TRAINED

                        ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS

                         6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS

                       142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS

                        14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS

                      (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA)

                          REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON

                          76000 BATTERY LLAMAS

                FROM "LLAMA-FRESH" FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY

                                   and

                        PRFCTCELLRULZ AND MICHAEL BAY



--------------------------------------------------------------------------



EXTERIOR - CYBER FORTRESS WALLS - DAY



    Mist.  Several seconds of it swirling about.  A man can be seen hanging on some sort of torture wheel and looking rather unhappy.



    SUPERIMPOSE "Cybertron. 3032 A.D."



    We hear engine noises in the distance. They come slowly closer, then out of the mist comes COMMANDER MATRIX followed by a SERVANT (KEITH WILLIS) who is making an engine noise by banging two coconut halves together.  MATRIX raises his hand.



                              MATRIX

       Whoa there!



    KEITH makes noises of skidding brakes, with a flourish.  MATRIX peers through the mist and sees a small Cybertronian Outpost. He motions to KEITH and continues until he reaches said outpost. On the outpost battlements a SOLDIER (SCRAPPER) is dimly seen.  He peers down.



                               SCRAPPER

       Halt!  Who goes there?



                               MATRIX

       It is I, Matrix Prime, warrior of Primus, from the city of Iacon.  Supreme Commander of the Autobots, defeater of the Decepticons, Savior of all Cybertron!



   Pause.



                               SCRAPPER

       Pull the other one!



                               MATRIX

       I am ...  And this my trusty servant, Keith Willis. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of Autobots who will join me in my court at Iacon.  I must speak with your Commanding Officer.



                               SCRAPPER

       What?  Ridden in a car?



                               MATRIX

       Yes!



                               SCRAPPER

       You're using coconuts!



                               MATRIX

       ... What?



                               SCRAPPER

       You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're banging them together.



                               MATRIX

                            (Scornfully)

       So?  We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Protihex.  Through ...



                               SCRAPPER

       Where'd you get the coconuts?



                               MATRIX

       We found them.



                               SCRAPPER

       Found them?  In Protihex?  The coconut's organic!



                               MATRIX

       What do you mean?



                               SCRAPPER

       Well, this is a technological planet.



                               MATRIX

       The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our planet.



                               SCRAPPER

       Are you suggesting coconuts use Space Bridges?



                               MATRIX

       Not at all.  They could be carried.



                               SCRAPPER

       What? A swallow carrying a coconut through a Space Bridge?



                               MATRIX

       It could grip it by the husk ...



                               SCRAPPER

       It's not a question of where he grips it,  It's a simple question of weight ratios ...  A five-ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.



                               MATRIX

       Well, it doesn't matter.   Will you go and tell your Commanding Officer that Matrix Prime from the City of Iacon is here?



                               SCRAPPER

       Listen!  In order to maintain airspeed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings fouty three times every second.  Right?



                               MATRIX

                            (Irritated)

       Please!



                               SCRAPPER

       Am I right?



                               MATRIX

       I'm not interested.





   Another SOLDIER (MIXMASTER) appears.





                               MIXMASTER

       It could be carried by an Technological swallow!



                               SCRAPPER

       Oh  yes! An African swallow maybe ... but not an Organic swallow, that's my point.



                               MIXMASTER

       Oh yeah, I agree with that ...



                               MATRIX (losing patience)

       Will you ask your Commander if he wants to join my army at Iacon?!



                               SCRAPPER

       But then, of course, ah, Technological swallows are non-migratory.



                               MIXMASTER

       Oh yeah.





    MATRIX motions to KEITH and they ride off, leaving the soldiers to mutter amongst themselves.





                               SCRAPPER

       So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.



                               MIXMASTER

       Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?



                               SCRAPPER

       Nah, they'd have to have it on a line.



                               MIXMASTER

       Well simple, they'd just use a strand of creeper!



                               SCRAPPER

       What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?



                               MIXMASTER

       Well, why not?

(End of Chapter 1)